Happy Fourth of July Weekend! Remember to Never Celebrate Your Independence Like Sodd Reesing

[Your one highly recommended link of the day comes from Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star. It’s a piece on remembering Pat Tillman, and it is fantastic.]

I’m back from my Summer Welcome, which was just the right mix of informative, entertaining, weird, long, and muggy as hell. Now I’m ready to celebrate our nation’s independence with lots of grilled foods and loud fireworks, you know, the usual customs for our nation’s most raucous and irresponsible holiday. Anyways, being the good Samaritan and informative man that I am, I’m here to remind you that while you are out celebrating our victory over the British from way back when that you never, ever, ever do anything like former Kansas quarterback Todd Ressing. As always, it’s a good time to look back on the hilariously embarrassing photos that surfaced back in 2009, right around the same time as the Fourth (and by that I mean ‘in the month of July,’ which is close enough). Frolic with me down memory lane, and always use this as a reminder to never drink bags of wine with a cheesy American flag jacket, and jorts, and other drunk Jayhawk fans.

Check out the real embarrassing stuff after the jump…

The guy rocking the plaid shirt/ silver shorts outfit who appears to be on a strange mix of ecstasy and assorted gummy candies appears in two of the infamous Reesing photos, which is more than enough to lead most people to believe that they are either best friends like two little girls who play dress-up together, or the plaid man harbors affections towards Mr. Reesing that have led to a nice relationship of drunken stalking, that will inevitably lead to a restraining order. I think it’s the latter, and I also think that Reesing doesn’t care too much because the would-be stalker appears to be too hopped up on alcohol and “other things” to do anything dangerous.

You know, attempting to eat puppies only supports my ecstasy theory. I guess I should also point out the jacket/ jorts that can clearly be seen in most of the photos. I can understand liking to party, but I don’t see where the outfit selections are coming from. Jorts? Silver gym shorts? This is the best KU has to offer? Stop devouring that puppy!

[Note: the only reason I don’t mention that plaid visor is because I would probably wear something like that in a non-ironic way. I would never wear the jacket or jorts though.]

……………

What.

Anyways, this is the money shot of the drunken KU football star chronicles, and it’s obviously tough to look at. Bagged wine + shirtless + human male clutching earnestly at your curly chest hair = not the way I would want to celebrate my independence. Let this be a lesson to all of you  wannabe quarterbacks out there. Party all you want, but make sure it’s not in such an embarrassing fashion as this. Especially when cameras and Deadspin are around to capture all of the painful results.

How do people who party this lamely end up again?

That’s what I thought.

—

Happy Fourth from Zoulogy! Be safe with those fireworks, and for the love of God, do not party like a Jayhawk! That would be horribly sad.